Why You’re Not Over Them Yet (And What It’s Really About)

You’re not crazy for still thinking about them. You’re not weak. You’re not stuck because you “can’t let go.”

You’re stuck because your nervous system made them a representation of something much deeper than just “a person you dated.”

You didn’t just lose a relationship. You lost the hope that this would finally be the one that felt safe, mutual, lasting. The one where you wouldn’t have to overfunction, chase, shrink, or perform just to keep it.

When that gets ripped away, it doesn’t just hurt—it cracks right into the places in your subconscious mind that are wounds from long ago, where you’ve never felt chosen. And when someone touches those places, even briefly, it’s easy to convince yourself that the narrative in your mind is the ultimate truth… even though it is actually a nervous system lie.

So you hold on. You stay loyal to the fantasy. You replay the highs and downplay the lows. You gaslight yourself into thinking maybe if you had done something differently… they’d still be here. But let’s be honest: you were attached to a version of them that existed in your mind, not in their actual behavior.

And that version? That fantasy? It kept you hooked. Because the fantasy gave you something the relationship never consistently did: A sense of possibility. A sense of being worthy. A sense of finally being met.

That’s why you’re not over it. Because you’re not grieving the reality—you’re grieving the dream that someone would finally heal these wounds for you..
And underneath that grief is the real wound: the part of you that still thinks you need someone else to prove that you’re enough.

Here’s the truth that most people avoid: Time won’t fix this. Dating someone new won’t fix it either. This doesn’t shift until you go to the root—until you untangle the emotional wiring that’s been keeping you in cycles of almost-love and almost-worth.

This is the work I do. We don’t stay in surface-level talk. We go deep. We look at the imprint that formed long before your last relationship… and we rewrite it. So your nervous system stops chasing familiarity and starts recognizing healthy love as safe, not foreign.

If you’re ready to stop looping the same story in different bodies, If you want to stop overfunctioning and start actually feeling peace within yourself…This is your work.

→ Book a free 15-minute consult call. Let’s heal this at the root so your next chapter actually feels like freedom.